Dear Readers,

Have you ever bullied a child? Were you the one that others made fun of during your young years? We don’t often hear those tales because we are embarrassed to say what happened to us or, if we have changed, we are ashamed of the hurt we may have caused others.  Sadly, every person I interviewed who has been hurt by someone else can describe that person, remember where they were when the incidents occurred, and often tell me that bully’s name. Cruelty leaves an indelible impression. Reader, were you ever bullied?

 

 

Tracy Young is now 57 years old, father of six children and grandfather to two. His story is one of healing and redemption. He tells his truth with brutal honesty. He is not self-deprecating to make us laugh. Like an artist painting a picture, Tracy provides us with images of his childhood and heartache. He helps us “walk in his shoes”, as the saying goes, so that we can understand him and hopefully ourselves just a little bit more.

Tracy was born and raised in York, Pennsylvania. His parents owned Young’s furniture store; and Tracy’s family lived in the upstairs apartment. When he was 5-years-old, they moved to a section of the city called Fireside. Tracy said he had a close relationship with his family. When he grew up, he wanted a job where he could serve others. For him, the dream was to be an airline steward or a chauffeur because, he said, “they helped people.” As a child, Reader, what did you hope to do when you were older?

 

 

Are you familiar with the character Napoleon Dynamite? He’s the alienated protagonist of the 2004 comedic movie of the same name. Tracy said that he related to that character, who he describes as nerdy, socially-awkward and usually not part of a “group”, as young people often define themselves.

Tracy was often bullied as a child. It took the form of intimidation, pushing and making fun of him. “I was a scrawny kid, very skinny, with acne and greasy hair.” Fellow classmates nicknamed him “pizza face”. He grew up with low self-esteem and low self-worth. “I was a loner and most comfortable by myself.” Did unkind youth give you a nickname, Reader?

In later years, he was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD). Symptoms for ADD often include limited attention and impulsiveness. Typically diagnosed in childhood, without intervention, students may have difficulty in school, troubled relationships and low self-esteem. However, in the 70s, there was not a much known about this disorder.

For Tracy, it meant that he was put in special reading classes, and the message was “Tracy is not trying hard enough,” he said. In school, Tracy would try and understand, but he was easily distracted. Teachers often assigned students seats in alphabetical order. With his last name beginning with a “Y”, Tracy was assigned to a desk in the back of the classroom. There, he did not feel as engaged with the class. He would often need to have things explained to him more than once. Whenever the teacher would ask if anyone had a question, Tracy’s hand would be raised. Students would groan, and Tracy internalized that rejection. “I am stupid. Something is wrong with me,” he said. He would act in behaviors that weren’t age appropriate. This created more opportunities for fellow-students to make fun of Tracy. Reader, how did your classroom atmosphere impact you?

He told me of a specific bullying incident in middle school. His arch nemesis bully, Adam, tripped him. When Tracy fell, he was kicked and made fun of by the others boys standing in the crowd. His mom saw the incident and came running down the street in her bathrobe to break up the fight while she yelled, “let my son alone.” Tracy said he was mortified. “It was very embarrassing.” Often, he would go home, crawl into bed and put the blankets over his head. “I wanted the world to go away. It was very frustrating,” he said. Reader, if you were bullied, what did that look like for you?

By 9th grade he still had low self-esteem. The physical bullying had stopped because his body was getting bigger. But he still felt like it was his fault that he was an outcast. School lunch times were brutal, he said. Every day anxiety riddled his body as he looked around the cafeteria. The fear of rejection increased as he walked to a table of classmates wondering if they would or would not allow Tracy to sit at their table.

In high school he started running cross country, joined the band as a French horn player, ran track, became the yearbook photographer and was one of the first members of York High’s performing art class. All of these activities started to give him a sense of belonging, he said. Dancing, singing and acting were part of the class curriculum. Tracy described this time as when he “settled into a group of misfits”. “We all didn’t fit in anywhere, but together, we did,” he said. 

By 11th grade he was feeling more content. He also started to become more attracted to girls. However, twelfth grade Homecoming Dance was a pivotal point in the way he would process his beliefs about himself for most of the next decade. Tracy was still a virgin at this stage of life. He didn’t do drugs or alcohol. He was respectful to girls. So, on the night of Homecoming, he took his date, Christy, to the dance. This included picking her up at her parent’s house, posing for pictures with her family, and opening car doors for her.

When he got to the dance some of his buddies told him, “We rented rooms at the Holiday Inn. We are going to take turns with our girlfriends.” Tracy was very uncomfortable about that plan. He did not feel right doing that so he decided to ignore his friend’s suggestion. Immediately, after the dance, he took Christy back to her house. He gently kissed her on the cheek before saying good-night. Tracy said he felt so good about himself. “I honored myself, I respected myself,” he said. He felt like he had behaved in the right way.

However, Monday morning, back in school, his impression of himself changed. Christy, his date, told her girlfriends, who told their guy friends, that Tracy had taken her home right after the dance – with just a tender kiss. As the day progressed, the teenage boys teased Tracy and made fun of him. They mocked him for that virginal kiss on the cheek. They ridiculed him for not taking his date to the Holiday Inn.

Tracey said he started to doubt himself. He started to feel like he had done something wrong. He said that no one recognized that he had made a good decision about not drinking or going to the hotel with a girl. “No one said ‘I’m proud of you’, and that started me questioning myself,” Tracy explained. As that year progressed, he internalized his declining self-confidence, and then he started drinking and smoking marijuana.

He graduated from high school in 1981, and the next year he enlisted in the Air Force. However, two weeks before he was to officially join the Air Force, he was partying with some buddies at Vance Park in York County, Pennsylvania. The guys had alcohol and pot. Without warning, the police arrived. Everyone ran except Tracy. His buddies took the marijuana, but Tracey was left standing alone in front of a police officer with his hands in the air. All the alcohol strewn around him; Tracy was arrested.

After this incident, Tracy went to the recruiting center to follow-up on his plans for when he should report for Air Force training. However, the Air Force had received the paperwork about Tracy’s arrest, and consequently, he was rejected from this branch of the military. Tracy felt horrible. Then, as he was leaving the recruiting center, he met a recruiter from the Marine Corps. As the two talked, the gentleman decided to help. He assisted Tracy to get a special waiver because of the law interaction. So, from 1982 to 1985, Tracy became a Marine. Reader, have you ever had someone intervene on your behalf?

 

Tracey’s dive into drugs hurtled during his years as a soldier. Stationed at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina and in Okinawa, Japan at Mt. Fuji basecamp, Tracey said he figured out how to stay high and avoid getting caught. The Marines, at that time, didn’t check your system for acid (LSD). So, Tracey used acid and alcohol while holding down his jobs as combat engineer and recon which is a scouting role assigned to Marines. Recons are sent out to discover information about activity in the area.

After the Marines, Tracey came back home and lived with his parents for a year. Then he rented an apartment with a fellow-veteran Air Force buddy. What didn’t change was his use of drugs and alcohol. For about eight years, he continued to get high. At his peak, he was heavily into pills, acid, pot, and cocaine. As his addiction reached its end, he was also dabbling in heroine. Tracy said, “It was a fast-paced destructive road.”

Tracy said, he recognizes now, how “socially irresponsible” he behaved. He was high and driving a car “75 percent of the time” he said. During those years, he would try to stop using drugs. However, he said, his choice to get clean would only last for about two weeks. In fact, during those two-week intervals of trying to stop, he continued his use of marijuana or alcohol. Tracey said, “I didn’t like who I was. I didn’t like the way I was treating people.” Reader, what was a low point in your life?

Tracy’s mental health took a toll. He had depression and anxiety. Now, he understands that he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD), but at the time it wasn’t diagnosed. He said, “I always felt like I was the one who needed to be in control, and I couldn’t control this.” His weight dropped. Tracy is 6 feet; 2 inches tall, and typically weighs in at a healthy 200 pounds. During the worst stages of his drug use, he dropped to 140 pounds because he wasn’t taking care of himself. Tracy began to imagine ways to kill himself; a car accident or suicide by a gunshot were two scenarios. What kept him from taking such a drastic step was “the fear of bringing shame to my family,” he said. Reader, what is a time when you did not see an easy solution to a complicated problem?

Simultaneously, Tracy was employed as an assistant manager of a shoe store; yet in his personal life, he started selling drugs. He was successfully branching into the world of making drug deals for profit.

In 1988, one of his friends told Tracy about a position where he could work third shift for a home that served youth who were also involved in substance abuse and/or chaotic life choices. Tracy didn’t know anything about what the program did, but he liked the idea that he could get paid to work the shift that allowed him to sleep. His addiction lifestyle was, for the most part, kept under the radar with his employees until he was moved to first shift.

Then, six months into his employment with the company, he could no longer hide his addiction. His fellow workmates were familiar with helping addicts, and they knew the telltale signs of Tracy’s behavior. They confronted him. He was given a choice: quit drugs and the lifestyle or quit the job. Tracy told them he didn’t understand how to do that. On his own he had tried and it had not worked. Tracy assumed he would be using drugs and alcohol until he died. Now they were offering him a different way of living. The employees invited Tracy to attend a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting. NA meetings are a peer support group for people who want to live drug-free.  Have you ever attended a support group, Reader?

At the time, Tracy’s reasons for attending the meeting were two-fold. “I didn’t want to get fired,” he said. His second reason was because all his friends were getting busted with drugs. He figured it was just a matter of time until someone snitched on him, and he too would be before a judge. “I thought it would look good if I could say that I was attending meetings,” Tracy said.

As he described it, “I went to the meetings for all the wrong reasons.” However, the good news is that it allowed Tracy to begin a new behavior. He said that he began to envision a life free of drugs and alcohol addiction. Tracy described the meetings as the catalyst of change for him. “It allowed me to be in those environments where I could hear other people’s stories, and that changed my life.” Reader, did you ever do anything for all the wrong reasons, but it turned out to work out favorably for you?

Tracy attended NA meetings every day. Another upside was that the meetings allowed him to be accepted for who he was – something he had been searching for his whole life. He described his earlier years as being that of a chameleon. He could be a “head-banger with the rockers, a thespian with the drama crew, a musician with the band and a jock with the sports teams”. Yet, he wanted to be accepted for just being Tracy. “I never felt like I was part of any one group. In my past, I was accepted for my performance, not for just who I was,” he said. Tracy described the feeling in the meeting as one of “acceptance” and “something I had not felt in a long time,” he said. Reader, where do you feel accepted?

Another benefit Tracy gained from the NA meetings was that it put him in an environment to hear, on a daily basis, the stories of people who were living life free from drugs and alcohol. It started to dawn on him that he, too, could live without substances. Before the NA meetings, Tracy said, “I had given up on living like that. I thought I would die as a drug addict.”

Two months into attending the meetings, Tracy got a sponsor. A sponsor is someone who used to be a drug addict but now has years of living clean. They become a confidant, a mentor and someone that helps you navigate your new life choices about living without drugs or alcohol.

By the third month clean, Tracy become a member of a home group. Similar to a regular meeting, home groups allow you the opportunity to be supported and encourage in your new path. The difference is that a regular meeting is open to the public. In the home group, you meet weekly with the same smaller group of people. You get to know each other, become comfortable with who you are, and support each other to stay free of drugs and alcohol.

In his home group, Tracy became the coffee guy. He was responsible to get to the meeting early and set up the coffee machine so, that as members entered, they could share and socialize. This was a huge confidence-builder for Tracy. He overhead people say that it was the “best coffee.” It gave Tracy responsibility among his group members, and he said, “it really added to my self-esteem.” Reader, what helped you build self-esteem?

During the first three months of Tracy living clean and sober, there was a constant pull to go back to his former friends, lifestyle and the drugs and alcohol. For years, Tracy said, “I was high with everything I did.” Now, he was making different choices. One of the buzz phrases for people getting clean is “People, Places, Things”. It’s a quick reminder to the addict to change the people, the places and the activities that they used to do. This helps to avoid triggering the desire to go back to his or her former behaviors of addiction.  Tracy said, “I could not be around it [drugs/alcohol/addict friends and places where he used to get high]. I had to start living a new lifestyle and live in the unknown or it would trigger me.” Reader, what do you have to avoid?

 

Now clean and sober, Tracy worked with the Children’s Home of York for 15 years. His focus was working with youth 14 to 18 years old. He guided young people who had gotten into trouble with the law, or those who came from difficult family backgrounds. His goal was to help them develop the skills for making healthy decisions in their life choices. With a similar purpose, during those years, Tracy also became a volunteer at the York County Jail. For three years, he held monthly Narcotics Anonymous meetings with the inmates. At that time, another one of Tracy’s outreach programs was his work at Penn National Race Track. For ten years, he visited the race grounds and held support groups about addiction for the jockeys, trainers and groomers.

As well, for fourteen of those years, Tracy and his first wife started the nonprofit Lost and Found Horse Rescue. They took in horses that were abused and unwanted. They would care for them, bring them back to health and help them find healthy homes for adoption. The horses were also used therapeutically with Tracy’s work at Children’s Home. Equine assisted psychotherapy (EAP) is a way to allow the youth and horses to work together. It helps heal emotional trauma, Tracy said. In the same way that humans enjoy company, Tracy said, “As people, we like to be around other people. So do horses and, if they are not, they can be depressed.” Tracy said the horse become “mirrors to the clients”.

When Tracy and his then wife divorced, Tracy became the custodial parent of his three sons. In 2008, he took a new position as the wholistic director at Clarity Way, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center.

While working at the center, Tracy became friends with Sher, a family therapist. They started dating in 2009. Tracy said it was love at first sight. “We were two peas in a pod,”, and the two married in 2010.

By this time, Tracy was working at the Country Club of York. He started as a server, became the manager and was employed there for ten years. After his decade with the Country Club, Tracy worked at the Heritage Hills golf resort for a year as their general manager. However, all of this was allowing him preparation for something that mattered deeply to Tracy and his wife Sher.

He also became more involved in his church activities – particularly men’s groups. In a leadership role, he helped support those in need in their spiritual health and their addiction issues. This is something that presently Tracy continues to do. Reader, where do you find your support and encouragement?

By 2014, the couple created the 501(C)3 non-profit: On Common Ground. Their mission was something they had already been doing – to inspire and bring hope. Tracy said they wanted others to find their God-given purposes and to know healing from addictions. Tracy and Sher would do this through meetings, testimonies from reformed addicts, support groups, therapies such as drumming and working with horses.

The drum circles are about “community and listening,” Tracy explained. “It is about allowing you to express the way you need or want to express yourself.” Similarly, the horses are a “vehicle for people to use to understand more about themselves,” he said. Tracy and Sher also became life coaches; they each work with about eight individuals a month.

Their work has allowed them to collaborate with the York County Library system when they held online summer camp activities. It was supposed to be face-to-face, but that work started during the pandemic. To give you an idea of the class, prior to one of the virtual meetings, each student was instructed to make a homemade instrument. During the class, they created music. The students were inspired and laughed throughout their musical experience. The kids said, “it made me feel the best we ever had.”

Another avenue the couple use to reach people is their Facebook Live shows. They are held on Thursday evenings at 8 pm EST. Of the 17 shows, they have already reached over 74,500 people who listened to the programs. As well, they started these events less than a year ago, and they have already had four successful interventions.

In March of 2021, the Youngs started another Facebook event called “Coffee with a Vet”. Both Tracy and Sher are veterans and serving this community is “a passion, and they can relate to their needs,” Tracy said. When you become a Facebook friend with @OnCommonGroundpa, you will get the notices for both of these as well as other inspiring and challenging posts.

 

For those unfamiliar with the addiction lifestyle, an intervention is when family members and loved ones confront the addict or alcoholic. This is something that is managed with trained leadership. Tracy meets first with the family so that they can determine what they want to say and what their boundaries will be going forward when addressing the loved one who is an addict. Then, a time is set to meet with the person who is in “active addiction”, meaning they are using drugs or alcohol on a regular basis. Anesthetizing themselves, they do damage to themselves and the people around them. The person’s behavior is confronted in a loving way with a goal to get them to agree to rehabilitation. It also serves to help connect family members to Al-Anon, Alateen or Nar-Anon – programs that support loved ones through the difficult days, months or years of having an addict in their lives.

Like so many during the COVID-19 pandemic, in October 2020, Tracy was diagnosed with Covid-19. On his Facebook posts, he continually asked for prayer as he went through a difficult two weeks in the hospital.  When he came home, he still had to use oxygen for another 2 ½ months.  Eight months later he said, “I’m still not back to normal. I have about 50% of my energy. And about 80% of my lung capacity. By the grace and mercy of God I am slowly getting better.”

In the past three months, Tracy continues to go to pulmonary rehab twice a week. His blood work and heart images are good and he said his lungs are slowly healing. However, he said that because Covid “primarily attacks the lungs, I’ve gotten pneumonia a couple times since having Covid.”

Tracy and Sher pivoted slightly in their outreach over this summer. So far this year, there have been ten murders and another 35 people shot by guns in their city, Tracy said. The age-range mostly affected is kids under the age of 18. Many in their community have started walk-alongs. “The purpose of the walks is to have a visible presence in the community to combat the fear of all the violence,” Tracy said. “We walk in the neighborhoods where there was recent murders or shootings.” The group, that has now averaged to about 20 people, walk with their city’s commissioner, Mike Muldrow. They meet at the police station and then go out every Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

The York County Health Department recognized the value of On Common Ground’s work. They recently awarded Tracy a grant to purchase 15 more drums. “They will be used for our youth drum circle outreach in the city,” Tracy said.

By the summer of 2021, Tracy and Sher had expanded their work. For example, three times in the past year and a half, they were contracted to travel to a drug and alcohol rehab center in Mississippi. There, for ten weeks in a year, they facilitated horse therapy and drum therapy to residents.

When Covid restrictions are lifted, Tracy will go back to his prison outreach. As well, in August, they plan to resume the live shows. He continues to be a mentor in the York County Veterans treatment court. Additionally, Tracy and Sher will be starting up the live Facebook interviews with veterans next month. Weekly, they will continue their walks with Commissioner Muldrow.

Tracy and Sher hope that, as the nonprofit successes grow, they will both be able to focus all of their full-time work towards On Common Ground. They hope to have the resources to receive salaries and benefits. Currently, Tracy is focusing all of his time towards their nonprofit, and Sher holds a full-time position with another company. This allows them to pay their bills and receive health benefits.

On Common Ground relies on donations and project contracts to cover its costs. They are always looking for folks who would be willing to hold fundraisers to support their work. The events could be locally or held virtually from anywhere in the country. If you have a loved one or maybe you are the addict in your family, Tracy and Sher’s network of options will be a place for you to find the help you seek. Reader, how have you used your life experiences to help others?

I grew up around people who were addicts. Some family and friends were caught in that destructive cycle of alcohol and drugs. There were many fearful and painful episodes that I saw played out in their lives. At times, that damage encroached towards me. It wasn’t until much later in life that I started attending Al-anon and began to understand much more about addiction. I was the kid who did not use alcohol and drugs because I didn’t want chemicals controlling my life. I learned how to create healthy boundaries for myself. I found support among others who were going through similar situations. I met Tracy when I was in my early thirties. I was so appreciative of the guidance he gave to me as I continued to mature and understand my choices towards addicts. Watching Tracy and Sher’s programs reach so many lives gives me opportunity to celebrate in gratitude. My joy comes from knowing that I am no longer around that chaotic lifestyle of someone’s addiction. I also delight in the people Tracy and Sher guide with their wisdom and understanding. Lives are changing, people are getting free from addiction, and folks are finding a greater purpose in their lives.

Each person that stays clean from addiction can change a family, a neighborhood and their community. If you, or a loved one, are in need of support and guidance, please email me:  droppinginwithdebbie@gmail.com  Wherever your community is, we will find the resources to help you. You are not alone.

Last month, you were introduced to Susana Perez. Many readers were delighted to hear Susana’s story about the way she learned an understanding about “Chemistry of the People”. Thank you for the kind responses from: Jill, Frank, Anne, Sue, Karen, Donna, Ray, Jon, Don, Lori, Anne, Steve, Edward and numerous others.

• Conchita sent a note to Susana. Here is some of what she said: “Debbie has beautifully described your origins and fundamental principles, your brilliant professional development, your courage in the face of adversity, your resilience and your entrepreneurial strength. I would add other attributes…nobility, loyalty, fraternity, “the best friend and companion that you can have”.
• Sarah said, “This was really interesting. I enjoyed reading about her.”
• Gus and Mari said to Susana: “Susi what a pride, thank you for sharing it with us. Every word we know is the truth since we have had the joy of sharing your life.”
• Vernie said, “Enjoyed the blog. It was thought-provoking.”
• Nanette said, “I so love pictures from years gone by. So interesting to see how people, hair styles, clothes change.”
• Gustavo said, “Susana, I read your friend’s writing. I think it is excellent, now it is your turn to write your own autobiography in those most relevant aspects that it would be good to deepen.”
• Cecelia said, “So enjoyed your blog about Susana Perez. Amazing woman. Beautifully written and so enjoyed the photos also. So detailed. Being Hispanic and a Longmont native, it really touched my heart. Thank you.

Until next month, may peace be at your side,

Debbie Noel

We have several ways to interact with Debbie!

• Instagram: Find me with the handle @dropinwithdebbie or visit https://www.instagram.com/dropinwithdebbie/

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• Send your letters to:

Debbie Noel
C/o Longmont Senior Center
910 Longs Peak Avenue
Longmont, Colorado 80501

 

Facebook page for On Common Ground https://www.facebook.com/oncommongroundpa.org

 

@Tracy Young Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tracy.young.31149359

@Sherlyn Young Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008492379470

To reach Tracy or Sherlyn, you can also email oncommongroundpa@gmail.com

Web site https://oncommongroundpa.org/

To give a donation to this tax-deductible 501 (C) (3) non-profit, you can go on their website or mail donation to On Common Ground, 316 Mesa Lane, York, PA 17408