Fred describes himself as an itinerant student because just about every two years the family moved and he would be in a different school setting. He graduated from California’s La Jolla High School. He was fascinated with history and thought he might make politics his career.

Following the expected next steps, Fred attended college. After one semester, he found the beach, working and partying more appealing.  Around this same time, his stepfather was looking for a vacation home for the family. Fred traveled with him as they looked at sites, and they settled on a place in Colorado.

Fred liked the state and enrolled at Colorado Mountain College in Glenwood Springs. However, after another semester, he recognized he was still not ready to get serious about his studies. Reader, did you take the tradition route of high school and then college or a more nontraditional path?

Fred returned back home to California and became a Cost Plus Imports (now knowns as Pier One Imports) employee. One day, instead of taking the bus, his father drove him to work and the two had a respectful important conversation. Fred remembers it as a “mutually bonding moment”. Three days later, Lynn died. “It was the second father I lost,” Fred said. Reader, who do you grieve?

Then, Fred became a student at Mesa Community College in San Diego. This time he was ready to be a student. He worked towards a political science degree. “I got straight As,” Fred said. “I got my act together.”

In 1968, Fred attended a party. While there, a gal, Theresa Bolata, came into the room, but only stayed for a half-hour.   However, in those few minutes, Fred met her, talked to her and got her phone number. He was smitten. He said it “was love at first sight”. The couple started dating and knew they wanted to get married. They walked down the aisle two years later, because, “we were waiting for her parent’s approval,” Fred said. Reader, I am a sap for love stories. Do you have one?

Fred’s academia path continued at Claremont McKenna College, a men’s college in Pomona, California. It was recognized as a leader in its economics and government majors. In 1972, he graduated cum laude with a political science degree. He started thinking about entering politics.

He decided to enter the University of San Diego Law School for a semester. Earlier in his academics, he had taken a law class and was intrigued by his studies. However, in this first semester of law school he had to take a lot of “dry classes” such as tax law, and he realized this was not for him. Reader, what did you learn about yourself during your academic years?

It was now 1973, and Fred needed a job. The United States was in the early stages of a two-year recession and finding work was difficult for many. Fred took a position at a drug store stocking shelves. However, within his five years he became floor manager. Reader, what was a job that you took, you knew it wasn’t the dream job, but it paid the bills and moved you toward your end goal?

After that position Fred traveled throughout southern California as a salesperson for two different companies. He said he really enjoyed all the people he met during those sales calls. Those skills would become a stepping stone to the next stages of his career. Reader, did your career take the path you hoped?

By now Fred had two children, a daughter born in 1978 and another daughter born in 1982. He wanted to balance his family responsibilities with his career desires. He recognized that, “Sales just wasn’t my thing. I didn’t get the visceral reward from it,” Fred said.

In the early 1980s, Fred worked on two political campaigns. He helped John Garamendi when he took his first run to be governor of California. Later he worked on California’s first attempt at having gun control regulations.

He met with volunteers and worked on marketing materials such as signs and flyers. “I really enjoyed this line of work,” Fred said. “It engaged me and I was totally committed to the cause.” Fred’s sales work and his campaign work allowed Fred to build a reservoir of contacts and a number of his new acquaintances had political power and influence. “I learned a lot, met a lot of people and it opened other doors,” Fred said.

Next, in 1980, Fred was contracted for eight months to work with COMBO. It was an umbrella group for many community arts organizations. As a collective voice, they could lobby for more funding and raise money that supported art agencies. Fred was assigned to meet with donors and pick up the checks. Once again, it called on his networking skills and he was meeting more political influencers.

After the campaign, Fred took six months to hone his writing skills. He bought lots of grammar and other how-to writing books. He recognized that he would need this important skill to advance his career. Marketing, creating reports and grant writing all require the ability to write well.

Next, Fred was asked to work for the San Diego Foundation for Performing Arts. His networking offered him the opportunity to be the development director. This required grant writing, fundraising and marketing skills. The goal was to bring more dance and performing arts to San Diego. In the four years that Fred worked there, they celebrated seeing Joffrey’s Ballet, American Ballet Theater and many other big-name groups, he said. In 1989, he became the executive director of the organization, a position he held for the next two years.

For the next three decades he held leadership positions, board membership and sometimes executive roles. At times, he also worked for or in a consulting capacity to serve the public through social service programs. Fred’s writing and communication skills allowed him to build collaboration in the community and procure grants and contracts. He was also able to raise over $25 million in grants and donations for various nonprofits agencies. His successes benefitted many in need, including:  battered women and children, families in need of recovery and counseling services, the homeless, and children in before and after school programs.

By 2014, Fred and his wife Theresa had been married for over four decades with two grown children. In June of that year, Theresa experienced skin rashes that didn’t make sense. After an emergency room visit, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Fred said it was a very painful, difficult and tender year. She died a year later at age 65 in June of 2015.

For the next eight months, Fred was in the throes of grief.  “I thought I was going crazy. I needed help,” he said. Within a month after Theresa died, Fred started therapy sessions. He knew he needed mental health support to get through this horrendous time. “I, like many widowers, had the sense that I was losing control.” Fred started meeting with a licensed clinical social worker.

During the six months that he attended his therapy sessions, Fred had lots of questions. Both he and the therapist would try to research answers, but they often couldn’t find the information they needed. Finally, his therapist said to him, Fred, you need to write a book so other widowers have the information.”

So, at age 68, Fred took his first steps into becoming an author. He wanted to address common concerns that happened when someone loses a spouse. “Why am I waking up at night and not knowing where I am?” “Why am I crying without tears?” As well, sexual questions were common among widowers.

During the previous year, Fred had created thirty blogs that he used to keep family and friends informed throughout the dying and grief process that his family was experiencing. Those initial letters became the outline of his book. He started writing every day. “Some days were more successful than other,” he said. On the good days, he could knock out twenty pages in three hours. He wrote for six months.

Then in the next six months, he used his time to get feedback and editing suggestions. His own therapist and his sister, who was also a therapist, were a great help in this process. One piece of advice they both gave him was the need to be more personal. They recommended he tell more of his own story. Now looking back, he sees how valuable that advice was to the success of the story.

After photo decisions, formatting and final edits, Fred spent the next six months sending out query letters to publishers. After not receiving any feedback, Fred, in 2016, decided to self-publish.  One month after he published, an editor got back to him with interest, but it was too late. Using Front Range Press, he had already created the first edition of his book “Widower to Widower: Surviving the end of your most important relationship”.

Fred found the writing process to be very therapeutic. Yet even now, he said there are times when the grief “still gets me”. Today, he has tools to help him process the emotions. He said it is also a way of honoring his wife and “all my fellow widowers”.

As Fred opened up to the public about what he was going through, other widowers reached out to him with questions. Others just wanted to share their own stories of grief. They found Fred to be a listening ear. “As a widower, you find that you heal each time you tell your and your wife’s story,” he said.

He has learned that we all “tend to internalize our thoughts – but especially men.” Fred has found that encouraging others to “learn to express themselves helps us to heal,” he said. “Men are not used to that,” he added.

In 2018, after more feedback about his book, Fred created a revised edition. However, Fred wasn’t sitting back waiting for royalties. He parlayed his writing into a Facebook following. People seek his wisdom as they experience their own loss. Through his post and interaction, he continues to encourage the healing process.  

Fred also joined a Facebook members-only widowers support network. Started by his friend, Herb Knoll, Fred is a regular contributor to the posts. He focuses on what “I went through and what other men go through,” he said.

Then on July 15, 2021, Fred published the second edition of his book. “I took it to another level; it is now a very professional book,” he said. It’s an all-inclusive book for widowers to find information about issues that impact them. Like his readers, Fred has found that life “will never be the same again,” he said. “It will be different. However, you will learn to live again and how to reengage with life again.”

Another avenue that has opened the door for Fred to share his wisdom is through NOMIS. This is a newspaper distributed by owners of funeral homes and cemeteries. It is a publication that is in print, as well as, electronically sent to funeral homes. It’s distributed throughout the United States, Canada and Mexico. Fred is a regular columnist and speaks to those in grief.

Fred is also working with distributors to get his book into libraries. As well, his book is now available through Audible Books.

On the business side of things, Fred has found his sales to come from the following sources: 55% of his sales are through Amazon;15% is by directly contacting Fred; 20% is from bookstores; and 10% is through Audible Books.

Fred often gets feedback from others with comments such as: “You saved my life.” “You helped me know I wasn’t crazy.” “This guy gets it. He’s been there.” As well, he is now hearing back that other therapists are recommending the book.

Fred also gets requests to be interviewed by top 50 and syndicated radio stations. As well, he has participated in a few podcast interviews. Also, you can visit his website at www.FredColby.com to read more of Fred’s blogs.

In looking back on the writing process, Fred said the writing wasn’t difficult. “It was learning to share my innermost thoughts – that was hard.” Fred takes seriously his conversations to fellow widowers. He learned a lot in this research and experiences and he wants others to be supported in their grief process.

When I asked Fred to describe his life now, he said. “I am busy. I am happy. I am engaging in life again.” He is also dating someone. He said that dating after losing your lifelong partner doesn’t replace your spouse, but it can add to your life. “You can grow to become whole again,” he said.

Fred is considering another book, but for now, it is still in the early planning stages. He wants it to be a fictional story. “This will allow me to tackle topics in a different way,” he said.

Readers, you will have the opportunity to meet Fred during one of the Celebrity Sit-In series that I am hosting. It is a five-part series of opportunities to meet authors or actors. On June 16, 2022, from 9 am to 10:30 am, its Fred’s turn to be the guest speaker at that day’s Q & A. We will meet at the Stone Shelter on the Longmont Senior Center grounds. If pandemic restrictions or weather impede our ability to meet outside, we also have the option of making this a Zoom session. If we go to an online format, I would provide a link to you the day before the event. The cost for this event is $5 and all proceeds go to the Friends of the Longmont Senior Center.

I hope you enjoyed Fred’s story as much as I did. Let me know your thoughts. I always enjoy hearing from you.

Last month, you were introduced to leaders in the field – Via Mobility Service – and their goal to address climate concerns by continuing to build a fleet of electric busses and provide non-emission energy for many others in our community. Here is what readers said about the April blog:

Bob, who has been studying these issues for three years said, “Good blog; your writing is well done and interesting; ‘on the fence’ about this subject but still learning.”

Eiko said, “This month’s Drop-in with Debbie – O, it was great! I always enjoy reading your monthly blog, but I realized this time how much time and energy (& love!) you put into each article. Thank you so much for putting together such a wonderful, informative and persuasive article about climate change and what Via is working on.”

Hazel: I enjoyed reading your blog on climate change issues from the viewpoint of transportation needs of the elderly and disabled and their carriers. Your blog couldn’t come at a better time, as Earth Day celebrations are fast approaching. Sandra and her husband understood and started those changes more than a decade ago. Here are her thoughts: “I loved this [blog]. My husband and I went solar and geothermal when we built [their new home] 13 years ago. We are trying to do our part.”

Zoe said, “I love reading your blog because I can hear your voice. Your interviews and the different perspectives shared in your post help make the case for the significance of being “green!”

Maria also started making changes in her life, and here are her thoughts:  Hi Debbie well kudos to you for being willing to tackle a very challenging and politically charged topic! From what I’ve read (I don’t have a great knowledge) but I do read on this topic here and there, it used to be called global warming but there was proof that in some places the earths actually getting colder and we’ve had colder winters at times so they changed the topic to climate change, there are knowledgeable scientists that don’t think the carbon footprint is the issue, so I have not made up my mind on that. I recently read a long article about the so-called clean energy, a lot of its run by batteries, these batteries use elements that are toxic so everything run electrical is not necessarily going to be better. if it has batteries. Solar for heating is good.  We had a solar company come here but it takes 20 years to pay off the investment and by then who knows if I’ll still be here so it’s a better option for younger people; we do have the heat pump so we have an electric furnace with that. We’re going to have hundreds of thousands of batteries filling up landfills and leaking toxic stuff from electric vehicles. Also the wind mills are killing birds, a lot of eagles have been killed by them which is not good for the environment.  I read an article recently where the government sued a windmill company because of all the Eagles that were killed. Undoubtedly changes need to be made. All the use of plastic bothers me. Frank bought a big 5-gallon plastic jug of laundry soap, he forgot I don’t want that anymore and I brought it back to BJs and exchanged it for cardboard box of powdered soap which they still carry.  I have not yet gotten to buy metal straws and carry them with me. I don’t buy drinks out very much though; I usually get water and just drink it from a glass. I think if society and our leaders would concentrate more on getting rid of plastic and going back to using glass and recycling glass soda bottles like we did when we were kids that would be a step in the right direction. I’ve seen news articles about micro plastics now showing up in our bodies as well as in our fish so it’s a real concern. I wanted to get away from saran wrap and I bought reusable silicone bowl covers but when you put the bowl in the fridge, as soon as there’s condensation the circle covers slip off so hopefully, they’ll come up with a better one and I’ll buy those. Our earth is definitely polluted! You do a great job with helping people with different disabilities and bringing awareness to that; I wouldn’t feel too bad about the fact that you think you’re not making much of a difference when it comes to climate change; God’s called you to a focus and you excel at that.

Until next month, may peace be at your side,

Debbie Noel

We have several ways to interact with Debbie!

• Instagram: Find me with the handle @dropinwithdebbie or visit Debbie’s Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/dropinwithdebbie/

• Facebook: Tag me with @DropinwithDebbie or visit Debbie’s Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/DropInWithDebbie/  to like and follow!

• Email her at DroppingInWithDebbie@gmail.com

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• Send your letters to:

Debbie Noel
C/o Longmont Senior Center
910 Longs Peak Avenue
Longmont, Colorado 80501

For more information about Fred:

• Visit Fred Colby’s website.
• Contact Fred Colby.
• Buy Books by Fred Colby.
• Read Fred Colby’s Blog.
• Purchase Widower to Widower online at Amazon.com.
• Check out the Fort Collins Writers website.

June 16, 2022– 9 am to 10:30 am MT: Celebrity Sit-In with an Author: hosted by Debbie Noel.  Q & A with Fred Colby. We will meet at the Stone Shelter on the Longmont Senior Center grounds. If pandemic restrictions or weather impede our ability to meet outside, we also have the option of making this a Zoom session. A link would be provided to you from the host. The cost is $5 and all proceeds go to the Friends of the Longmont Senior Center.

Here are three options for purchasing the book if you want to read it before you hear our guest speaker:

Locally, in Longmont, Barbed Wire Books will be able to order the book for you and may already have it in the store. They are offering a 20% discount. They are located at 504 Main St, Longmont, CO 80501. Phone number: (303) 827-3620. You can also go to their website barbedwirebooks.org and click on Products and Services and then in the dropdown go to online options. The owner said, “All is explained there.”

Can be purchased through Hearts and Minds book store: cost is It is $14.99 and they are offering a 10% discount. Mention Debbie Noel for the discount. Shipping would be $3.92 for Media Mail or $7.60 for Priority Mail.  Place an online order at the Hearts and Minds bookstore or call their store: 717-246-3333.

Purchase Widower to Widower online at Amazon.com.